Merry Christmas, Festive Fucktard
Merry Christmas, Festive Fucktard was inspired by a friend who is overenthusiastically festive with every holiday. From New Year's to Kwanzaa her good cheer knows no bounds. Christmas, however, is the epitome of her celebratory passion.
I'm sure most people have one person in their lives who goes overboard with everything Christmas. They decorate every room in the house, bake desserts daily, shop incessantly, buy the biggest Christmas tree or one for every room, sing carols too often, dress pets in holiday fashions, and, most obnoxiously dress themselves in ugly Christmas sweaters with matching accessories including, but not limited to, festive jewelry, Santa hats, socks, and mistletoe hair ornaments.
I'm good at tolerating strange, obsessive behavior as it can be very entertaining and humorous, but I draw the line when she thoughtlessly harasses me about my lack of Christmas spirit, badgers me about my lack of celebratory mood, or threatens to come to my house and decorate it for me. I grit my teeth and practice patience, but I've come to the conclusion this is some kind of crazy. I have attempted to request she cease and desist, but this only serves to escalate her fervor. She believes she's saving me from becoming the Grinch or Scrooge. She doesn't realize or maybe just refuses to accept I already am the Grinch or Scrooge!
Then I found this quote online: "Merry Christmas, Festive Fucktard" and I felt that described our holiday relationship perfectly. Do you think if I send her this card, she'll get the message? I already told her about it and her response was,
"WHAT? YOU'RE GOING TO SEND CHRISTMAS CARDS THIS YEAR?? HOORAY! THERE IS HOPE FOR YOU YET!"
Damn. If I show any inclination toward festivity, it only incites the insanity.
Size: 5 x 7 inches, bound
I'm sure most people have one person in their lives who goes overboard with everything Christmas. They decorate every room in the house, bake desserts daily, shop incessantly, buy the biggest Christmas tree or one for every room, sing carols too often, dress pets in holiday fashions, and, most obnoxiously dress themselves in ugly Christmas sweaters with matching accessories including, but not limited to, festive jewelry, Santa hats, socks, and mistletoe hair ornaments.
I'm good at tolerating strange, obsessive behavior as it can be very entertaining and humorous, but I draw the line when she thoughtlessly harasses me about my lack of Christmas spirit, badgers me about my lack of celebratory mood, or threatens to come to my house and decorate it for me. I grit my teeth and practice patience, but I've come to the conclusion this is some kind of crazy. I have attempted to request she cease and desist, but this only serves to escalate her fervor. She believes she's saving me from becoming the Grinch or Scrooge. She doesn't realize or maybe just refuses to accept I already am the Grinch or Scrooge!
Then I found this quote online: "Merry Christmas, Festive Fucktard" and I felt that described our holiday relationship perfectly. Do you think if I send her this card, she'll get the message? I already told her about it and her response was,
"WHAT? YOU'RE GOING TO SEND CHRISTMAS CARDS THIS YEAR?? HOORAY! THERE IS HOPE FOR YOU YET!"
Damn. If I show any inclination toward festivity, it only incites the insanity.
Size: 5 x 7 inches, bound
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